words of advice from an apostate
just got this letter from a freethinking internet friend:
I stop by your [other] blog every now and then and you [have] awesome stuff.. I download the youtube vids jus so I could show them to my mom. Keep it up man.
My brother is serving a mission in [****] and he writes back every now and then, mostly to my mom. He mentions that is he concerned about me and all, here is an excerpt from his last message.
How is [***] doing, still beliving whatever he believes or has god manifested himself to him. I had been thinking about it alot and maybe we should seek the help of [our local] Mission President, see if he can help. I know he doesn’t know anything about the gospel and maybe starting from the basics will do him some good. I even put his name in the pray book. I know this is the lords work that im doing and I love the fact that he loves us all. I love feeling the spirit here and I know I have learned so much while being here at the MTC and it amazes me. There is so much to learn. This is Jesus Christ’s church. I know he lives and he is our savior. The book of Mormon is true and I love reading it. I say this is
Christ name, Amen.Well hope to hear from anyone soon, I know it might be hard in
[*****] to email since the area that Im going to is far from major
cities and its pretty backwards. Anyway, love you all
Elder [*****]
How would you deal to this, I really really wanna tear into it but run the risk of getting more alienated and my position more misinterpreted?
my long-winded, and yet inadequate response:
that’s reaalllly tough, man. you must feel irritated and attacked, not too mention ostracized by your family. what i’ve found that’s worked for me thought are these three things: be happy, love your family, work hard/try to accomplish things in life. let me explain each one;
be happy. the more happy you are when you’re around your family the more it will confuse them (b/c they think that happiness only comes from… “the gospel of happiness”) plus you will defeat any misconceptions they have about skeptics/doubters/atheists etc. it’ll blow what their preconceptions right out of the water.
love your family. once again if they see that you are a genuine loving part of the family they won’t have anything to complain about (”err…. he’s so nice and everything but somethings missing… he doesn’t know the secret handshakes! that’s it!”) they won’t see that anything is missing in your life, except maybe some freemasonry knowledge.
work hard/try to accomplish things in life. this one i include b/c it sounds like your family (and mine) is the type that will scrutinize a life lived outside of the church. you gotta work hard and become accomplished, otherwise they might blame any shortcomings/hard times on “the lord giving you tribulations” or even “satan getting his way with him”… isn’t it interesting how in one thought-process satan and the lord may be working hand in hand at times for mormon-ideology?
so back to your question, since i don’t think you were even asking me about that stuff from above, how to deal with your situation… i think it’s scary and offensive that he would suggest getting a mission president involved with you. that’s intrusive. if no one wants to listen to the science that you speak or the philosophy that you yourself believe, then why should you always have to read that ensign talk or listen to that tape they gave you or book or have you talk to a church leader? why, if they won’t give your side of the story any thought.
on the other hand, if anyone around you in your family is starting to maybe doubt as well, or to start thinking for themselves, if they hear you talking to a church leader and your arguments/issues blow his just-pray-about-it or just-put-it-on-the-shelf or just-have-faith arguments right out of the water, they’ll start seeing how childish religion and faith really is. it may be a good venue for them to hear reason taking on mindless faith (as long as the conversation doesn’t come anywhere near heated or ad-hominem). i bring that up b/c my stake president and bishop came to speak with me at the same time. i told them i had issues with church doctrine and history and they said not a single thing to delve into the issues. the SP’s response was oddly, “you’re going to be a bishop one day”. and left. since then i haven’t seen the SP, and my bishop has seen me like 5 times but only says “hi” and then leaves. they have nothing rational to say. my brother found out about that and lost all faith in the church. he thought it was ridiculous that they would prophecy instead of deal with my issues- i had just barely told them i didn’t believe in the church and they prophecy about my future leadership in a church i don’t believe in?
but most likely then not, my experience will not be like yours with your mission president and it would be best to avoid it.
as for me, it is being very easy to state my case to my family. if someone questions my inactivity in the church i have a few things i can pull out depending on the person asking the question:
“yeah, me and your daughter aren’t going to church anymore, i mean, we love FHE and the good things we learned in church- and we’ll continue to be these good people- but i just can’t accept being a future polygamist in the next wife. i really could never share your daughter with another woman and i know your daughter feels the same way.”
or… “yeah the bible just has too many ridiculous stories in it.. i mean the whole idea of a flood and putting 13 million species in a big boat all together- how would you fit all of the food, the crap, AND THE 13 MILLION SPECIES OF ANIMALS ON A BOAT?” and “eve being created from a rib contradicts all common sense and science, and the human race dating back to only 6000 years ago? the greeks were already using wine hundreds of years before adam and eve were around, then.” bringing up stories of the bible is an easy way of showing how childish the stories really are. ["Debating a religionist is like playing tennis with someone who lowers the net for their shots and raises it for yours". -Daniel Dennett]
so i don’t know, man. keep the three things going for you that i listed above, don’t get into it with anyone unless they bring it up. rationality is very easy to defend- its…rational, after all. just show your family there’s no reason to worry about you.
good luck and keep me posted.
[****]
ps.. thanks for letting me rant
Leave a Reply