my family

[from a letter i wrote today to a friend about "where my family is at in regards to the church"]:

my wife just “doesn’t care”, but really doesn’t believe, either.  she finds it almost offensive, however, for me to hang out on atheist websites or watch atheist documentaries.  at the same time she sees the bible as an old book with ridiculous stories in it.  i tell her she is what’s considered “a deist”.  but she’s still got a thing for jesus and doesn’t like to see much skepticism towards him.  her dad used to be a stake pres. and her mom is the epitomy of brainwashed latin-american relief society sister lacking any knowledge at all of church history (and in s. america there are really no good resources to even go to to learn about the church).  she is scary at times.  can go from zero to irate christian in 3.5 seconds.  over a year ago she was at my house and upon learning of my (at the time) mere doubts about the church, she went ballistic  and told me how i was a horrible son-in-law looking up anti-mormon stuff and that i was bringing her daughter with me to hell.  yeah.  that hit a low point for me.  as she was screaming this at me in my own house, my wife just sobbed and told her mom, “don’t say those things about my husband!  you have no idea, mom, he only found out about stuff because of his huge love for the church and the gospel!  he had no bad intentions- just wanted to know as much as he could about his church!”

 

she calmed down but that image has never left me of my MIL.  till today it’s like she doesn’t even respect my disbelief or my own thoughts.  her bi-monthly sunday phone calls from [s. america] are just an interrogation session of, “are you bringing my granddaughter to church every week?  No?  How can you possibly deny her of this?  are you paying tithing?  you will be so blessed if you only pay your tithing!  don’t remember to fast!  are you going to conference?”

 

i mean, what kind of a relationship is this where all you care about is that person’s relationship towards your church??

 

they’re coming to visit in a few months.  part of me says just be an adult and let them know that i have done like my mormon ancestors:  left the religion of my family for new truth.  but part of me (my wife-part) wants to just keep them in the dark, keep stringing them along to not bring any un-needed discension during their stay.  we’ll probably even end up going to a local ward.  that will be fine, to see the church from an anthropological view, and for my daughter to learn about another religion (vs. being indoctrinated).  i even have my bible and bom stuffed with skeptical inserts i’ve found around the web (ie egyptian funeral documents in the PoGP section, crazy bible stories in the bible, etc.).  should be fun.

 

my brother is now a self-declared atheist (good for him, but that’s gonna kill his chances with 98% of the pop. in utah county), my other bro’s are becoming very skeptical of religion in general.  not from me, but from seeing some doctrinal and gospel inconsistincies (like reading the scriptures every day as a family and going to the temple etc. but my sister still gets prego out of wedlock, older brothers serve missions then leave the church, and paying tithing doesn’t equate to being financially stable).

 

my sister is tbm but i think she won’t stay many more years.  just my guess though.

 

my parents are nutjob crazy about the church.  it hurts me that i can see through the church now for what it is and actually “prove” (as far as you can really “prove” much of anything) that joseph smith was a fraud.  …”Book of Abraham”.  done.  it’s over.  add to that a list of other items and issues that merit doubt and disbelief and those things will add up for any rational person. but my parents are not rational.  they are so far off on the other end it hurts.  it actually pains me to be at their house now (and i know i shouldn’t be so dramatic) but it hurts to know that these people in front of me believe that the earth is 6000 years old, or at the very least that man has only been here for 6000 years, and many many other ridiculous things to believe in 2008.  i mean:  it’s 2008!  and you still believe what about an arc?

 

today while i was driving to work my mom called to see if i’d be able to tune into conference.    where did that come from?? i dunno.  part of me contemplates removing my name so that the subject won’t even come up in the future.  at this time that may do more harm than good for my situation, though.  no need to rock the boat any more w/ the in-laws.

 

hey thanks for being an ear.  it’s just tough being a rational person living in this culture you know?  yes.  you know.

~ by Anubys on April 5, 2008.